2020 was a weird year. It was challenging, and it impacted everyone in different ways and at different levels. Now living in Australia, it was bizarre receiving 2020 back in my hometown of Lima, Peru, after a couple of years away. I was already carrying a few issues from previous years that were starting to shake the noisy monkeys in my mind. When it was time to come back, I reached the gate just in time for taking off. However, after a couple of hours, the oxygen masks dropped!
Thankfully 20 minutes later, we had an emergency landing in Guayaquil, Ecuador. However, my mind and my body were absolutely exhausted as I reached Canberra. Still, just a couple of days later, I had to travel to Sydney to work for a day. As I finished and was getting ready to come back, I reached a breakpoint as my mind got full of fast and intense negative thoughts; everything was lit under dark light; I felt under shadow and a constant rain cloud. I thought I was gonna die, my stomach was burning, I felt pressure on my chest, palpitations, and yet, I didn’t understand why, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was having the worst panic attack of my life.
The second I arrived back home, everything in my mind felt the same. My thoughts were negative from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed. I felt scared, in a constant state of alert, thinking I could die at any moment.
But I knew inside that I wanted to feel better, I had that inner determination to fight and do everything I could to feel good again. I found a few resources that helped in that healing process, but reconnecting with my passions, in my case, my music, helped me the most. Even when I was still feeling terrible, I pushed myself to do what I had to do in order to feel better, so I grabbed my laptop, my interface, the guitar, the microphone and the cables, and I was ready to start recording.
So, I simply started playing and recording, and in those first moments, it felt good. I grabbed those surroundings, my city, part of my reality. I was able to merge the imagery and the sounds of nature around me inside the recordings. I was feeling good again, and I was smiling, dancing and laughing, feeling blessed by the pleasure that this reconnection with my music was giving me. That unique feeling of hearing your musical creation come to life one track at a time, it’s a simple and pure pleasure, but one reserved for musicians only, I think only we can experience that. It’s such a beautiful and moving experience, hard to put into words.
Then I thought I should try to integrate others into the project; the pandemic has been challenging for everyone in the world, and making music remotely could help others in feeling better. So I started contacting people in my life that helped me, good friends, friends with whom I wrote songs, members from previous bands, and those I hadn’t talked to as much as I should!
The first few videos you’ll see represent a healing journey through time around the world with music, mixing sounds, landscapes, friendship, and good vibes. I look different in each clip, I feel better in each, and seasons change in the background.
But I wanted to start this project by sharing my experience, and my story of dealing with my anxiety by reconnecting with my passion, which is music, and tell everyone who might be feeling the same that you’re not alone, you are not crazy, it’s ok and normal to feel this way, just reach out, start talking about it. Identify the resources that help you feel better, start reconnecting with your passions, and look for professional help if you still need more support.
This musical venture two years in the making I’m calling ‘ReconnectAndo‘ will finally be out on 26 August 2022, and I hope you can be part of the journey!
GONZ 